woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
i need some magic done to my vagina
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
