So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
