I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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