I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Randomize
