He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
