The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
