You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Randomize
