living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
