This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Randomize
