um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
