Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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