I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Randomize
