life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
