I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
My vagina just recognized that song.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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