I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
