note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
