Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
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