Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
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