I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
