you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
