I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
