Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
