I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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