..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
