is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Randomize
