Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Panties = found
Randomize
