I wish I could teleport
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
