Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
