My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
