Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Randomize
