I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
home. puking in laundry basket.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Randomize
