The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
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