just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
