Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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