ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
