That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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