Well apparently he's into motor boating.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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