We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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