Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
The best revenge is premature balding
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
