to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
My dick has a subreddit
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Randomize
