Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Randomize
