Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I need water and some morals
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
