It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Randomize
