i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Rumble strips road head = magical
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
