thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
