An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
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