i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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