shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
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