did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Randomize
