I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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