a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
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