oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
