Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
