So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
