and my herpes radar will keep us safe
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Randomize
