hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I think your dad took our porno
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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